Well, we survived! We went on an over night Couples Retreat with the Pastor of our church and his wife. There were 6 other couples there as well from other churches in the area, and we had such a good time! We got there around 5:00pm on Friday to check into our hotel at the Billie Creek Village Inn, and then had dinner together at a local establishment. The evening concluded with a great session on Communication and then we played some really fun games that left the husbands covered in lipstick! Saturday was spent in groups together to discuss topics that included the biblical roles of husbands and wives, how to ask for forgiveness and how to give it, learning about what makes our spouses react, and finally sex. Yeah, you heard me...we sat around and talked about S-E-X with the Pastor! The session was great! They all were, and I wanted to share a few basic lessons that I learned from the weekend away.
The first thing I noticed when we got there was that Darryl and I were the youngest of the group. I would say that every other couple there had at least 10 years on us, and some had quite a bit more. When I thought about it, it made me realize that working on your marriage is something that never stops! I looked at some of these couples and was sure that none of them had any problems, but their marriages were so important to them that they took time out of their lives to focus on each other, their relationship and first and foremost, God.
I also learned some solid biblical principles about what it means to be a wife. And I learned biblical principles about what it means for Darryl to be a husband. I think that is the thing that I honestly liked most about our time at the retreat was how grounded everything was in God's Word. Every session had us reading the Word of God and talking about how His commandments for marriage can be translated into workable actions and reactions by us. I saw, literally for the first time, what my specific role is as a wife, and what God wants to be in my marriage to Darryl.
The session on forgiveness was also a real eye opener. So often in life, and in our marriages, when we do something wrong to someone, the only thing that falls from our lips is a feeble, "I'm sorry" and sometimes we don't even offer that much! The scriptures and the session taught me that in order to truly repent for the wrong we have done to someone, we need to approach them and ask for their forgiveness. It is only when we have asked for it, and they have granted it that we can free ourselves from the burden of our wrong-doing and move on to more positive things with that person. We also talked about how we can model this action to our children in the home, and how our society as a whole needs to get back to the basics of asking for and receiving forgiveness, rather than just minimizing our wrongs with a simple apology and nothing more.
I could go on and on about specific things we learned, but in the end, the biggest lesson that I learned in that there IS a model for how we can have a successful marriage. Christ's love for His church shows us the way to loving each other. I only wish I had known all of this earlier. I am not saying that any of the problems Darryl and I have faced and overcome would have not been there, but I think that it is possible that having a blueprint would have helped us, rather than having us fumble around in the dark as we did during the first 6 years of our marriage.
I think every couple, especially ones not yet married, should take a course or go to a retreat like this. For me, I never saw a model of how marriage was suppose to work before this weekend. I did not see this model in my home growing up, no one ever sat me down and told me what to do as a wife, no one ever explained to me that God has given me specific commandments as a partner in my marriage. I NEVER KNEW!! But, I do now. And that is the important thing. I now know the role I am suppose to have in my marriage, and I want to say to everyone out there who has never gone to a Couples Retreat with your church, or who hasn't been to one in a long time....go. Even if you think things are fine and wonderful, go just to renew yourself and your relationship, go just to remind yourself of how God can show us the way to loving each other fully as husbands and wives, go just because you love your spouse. Just go.
I want to publicly thank the Pastor of my church and his wife, as well as the Community Christian Counseling Center of Terre Haute, and the other couples who were there for making this a truly beneficial and wonderful learning experience for me. Thank you.
I know, I know...the title is a bit cheesy for today's Monday Musing, but I think it fits. Once again, I want to turn to a recent Our Daily Bread devotional. Yesterday, the reading was about Gardening Tips for making ourselves more open to the Holy Spirit.
